For many of us, life gets divided into one major or a series of befores and afters. For many of us living in the United States, September 11, 2001 is a razor sharp memory. We know exactly where we were and what we were doing before the planes hit the Twin Towers; and we know exactly what happened in our personal lives after this tragedy. 9/11 is one of those life-altering events we share as a collective.
Photo by Abigail Keenan
My individual life is also divided into a series of befores and afters: before I came to America, after I came to America; before I lost Noor, after I lost Noor; before my daughter was born, after my daughter was born,… and so on. I don’t think I’m alone in this. I sometimes have to remind myself, though, that I haven’t had more than my share of tragic events, even though it sometimes feels like it (I can throw myself a pity party with the best of them!). Maybe that’s why I do what I do, help who I help, live my life the way I live my life.
As a psychotherapist, clients come to see me after they’ve gone through something painful, life-defining, or traumatic. For some, a relationship or marriage is falling apart; for others, life has become confusing, gut-wrenching, or possibly not worth living. Invariably, clients tell me the stories of their lives before their traumas. My job is to help them navigate their current emotions and, later, to learn, grow and make meaning of what they’ve gone through and how those experiences can actually add a richness to their life story.
Photo by Krsto Jevtic
In writing these blogs, I hope to share with you what I’ve learned not only personally but also professionally. I’ll share how befores and afters are everywhere, not just in times of pain, but also in times of joy. Not everyone can afford psychotherapy but most of us can benefit from the knowledge we therapists have gained. In using personal stories as well as clinical cases (with altered identifying information to protect my clients) I’ll teach you the different lenses I’ve used, which ones have been helpful, and which ones have only ended up hurting me or my clients more. I hope you can see some of yourself in me in these stories, feel a little less alone, and know that sometimes the strongest flowers and trees are grown using really stinky shit as fertilizer…
